Everything You Ever Heard About Twinkies is....Wrong???

At some point in your life, you have heard or read that there are enough preservatives in a Twinkie to make it last "forever," or a hundred years, or some such fill-in-the-blank number. That, after a nuclear war, it will only be cockroaches, which will subsist on all of the Twinkies, which will cover the earth.

You probably remember the ruckus several years ago:  in 2012, Hostess Brands company went bankrupt, and there was much internet anxiety about the disappearance of certain "snack cakes." (I ate these too as a child, but truth be told, when you study the crowds in a mall or airport, wasn't their disappearance really not such a bad thing? But I digress...)

Anyhow, I happened to be in a Target the night the news broke, and I bought one of the last boxes of "original" Twinkies, because hey, why not.  We all knew that some other company would rise up, buy the rights, or recipes, or...formulas or whatever, and start making all of the Hostess stuff again.  Looking on Ebay, there were thousands of crates of Twinkies everywhere for a dollar, so I figured I would just hold onto that box as a memento of another American company from my childhood gone by the wayside.

Actually, I completely forgot about that box of Twinkies.  It sat in the back of my pantry for four years, until my daughter found it this weekend.  When she brought it out, I thought, why not tear into it? They last forever anyway, right?

Um, nope:

I heard the sound of the box opening, which was followed by sounds of disbelief and disgust.  Not only were all of the "snack cakes" shriveled and petrified, but, as you can see, one particular offender was in even worse shape.

I suppose it's possible that the really nasty one wasn't sealed properly, and air was able to get in...but that really doesn't account for all its brethren.  When I say "petrified," I mean it.  Hard as a rock.  

I suppose I just point this out because it was rather shocking.  I sincerely doubt I would've let the Children eat such elderly processed pastries...BUT, let this be a warning to anyone who finds a box of Twinkies that are years past their Effective Dates!  It's just another thing to add to your list of things to worry about in these dangerous and modern times, isn't it?