THE SUPER DICTIONARY (Part Eleven)

THE SUPER DICTIONARY beckons...and it can be put off no longer.  It will have its revenge.  You can run all you want, but you must read on...which is hard to do while you are running.

Today, we are still in the letter "S," and we find Wonder Woman held captive by a large purple Pterodactyl....except, wait a second, the thing has one giant foot, as well as a long tail.  Huh.  Oh, and it talks, I should point out.  So, that's different.  There are a lot of "S" words that could go with this panel, but struggle defines our journey together through this book so well, let's stick with that.

What's the point here? It's just this:  don't drive stupid, friends.  

Although, I would like to turn your attention to the fact that Black Canary is hurling herself at an oncoming car, so I will let you decide for yourselves who is stupid, here.

There is so much wrong with this picture, it could be an activity in the old HIGHLIGHTS magazine.  Okay, Atom is tiny here.  He must be, because the swans and grass are bigger than he is.  Therefore, let's figure out why his female companion (in a...bathing suit? That's funny, YOUR clothes shrink, Atom) is equally tiny.  Uh, I got nothing.

Okay, now that we've done that, let's talk about how they are "afraid of" the swan, and then the suggestion is made to jump onto one of its babies.  ARE YOU FREAKING STUPID, ATOM?  That thing will chomp you in half like a mama hippo.  THIS should be another entry for stupid.

Yeah, right, Batman swept the floor last week.  Um, isn't that what Alfred is for? Anyone?

Ah, it's this guy.  One of the Randoms in THE SUPER DICTIONARY.  I refuse to call him by name, because he is unnecessary.  Although, you have to admire his super-power:  getting two taxis to show up...and look, one came all the way from the 1940's.

Green Arrow is a sap.  Why doesn't it say that in a trice, he let loose an exploding arrow, which pierced the little hellion and then blew him to bits?  That's what happens when you tear one of MY paintings, you little miscreant.  You aren't even shown in the panel, and I hate you.

"Well, DUH, law enforcement...you are so stupid. Sheesh!"

Really, Superman?!  What, are there no cars that belong to innocent tax-payers around for you to stack?

I like how the cops instantly recognize a teaspoon, even though it is enormous.  Wouldn't 10 out of 10 people just say "giant spoon"????

 No one else uses anything the way Atom does.  Atom is the kind of person who dries his clothes in the oven, cooks eggs in the toaster, and leaves the refrigerator open because he won't pay for air conditioning.  HE is the real "tool" in the panel.  He doesn't even realize it's a lot easier to use the phone when you are normal-sized.  Even I know that.

I hate to keep pointing out how stupid everyone in this dictionary is. I really do. It's just that they aren't giving me much to work with.  I can understand tent, and the illustration (although Supergirl apparently has a back injury), but WHO TALKS LIKE THIS? "I tented in the forest." Who says that? Tent is not a verb.  I don't care if you can find a dictionary somewhere that says it is a verb...if you do, it's from the 1700's.  Nobody told you "I carred all the way to work this morning" today.  Nobody said they couldn't come to lunch today, because they had so much washing-machining to do.  Nobody talks like that, outside of maybe toddlers on Bizarro World.

Suddenly, I am really angry, and I didn't even realize it... do you see what THE SUPER DICTIONARY causes, friends?  I need a happier panel, to calm me down...

And...this isn't it.

Okay, I have heard it said that Wonder Woman can have mental control over her Magic Lasso, and I've even heard it said that she can have mental control over her invisible jet, but please look at this picture.  THAT IS NOT HER INVISIBLE JET.  It's not even close; it's a small plane with a propeller.  Does Wonder Woman suddenly have dominion over aircraft?  I missed that part; the part where a huge goddess appeared in the sky and bestowed upon her dominion over aircraft.  

I guess I shouldn't get so worked up, because at second glance, she's pointing to the left, and the plane is completely ignoring her, and continuing along its merry way.

So, I guess the point is, she can't control aircraft after all.  So, there, SUPER DICTIONARY.

TO BE CONTINUED...

GODZILLA 2000 Press Kit Slides & Captions (Columbia Pictures, 2000)

Last year, when we looked at the Godzilla 2000 Press Kit (links below), mine wasn't quite complete, but that problem has been rectified.  Beginning in the late 90's, sometimes color slides were also included with studio press kits, and this film was no exception:

Below are all eight of the slides, plus the page of "Color Captions" that accompany them.  Presumably, the images and captions were for use in local newspapers and that sort of thing.

This was a well-used image in marketing the film.  I want to say it was used as the DVD cover in some countries.

I like how in the Captions provided (see below), they have to point out for the reader which monster is Godzilla.

This is the second non-kaiju slide of the main characters.  One is understandable, but two is reaching the level of COME ON, NOW!

I can't imagine any newspaper or publication choosing this slide to run for any reason.

And finally, here is the sheet of Captions that came with the slides:

Just in case you missed the other parts of the Press Kit, they are here:

Godzilla 2000 Press Kit & Stills

Godzilla 2000 "Production Information" Article

THE SUPER DICTIONARY (Part Ten)

Are you having a bad week?

You are now, because it's time for THE SUPER DICTIONARY.

So, where were we?  Oh yes. Superman is a huge jerk:

"Wow, Superman. We get it, you are really strong...and, you are the only one in color, so you must be better than us. We were just leaving work when we noticed that you had made a tower out of our vehicles; like a monument to your own stupidity.  You know, we all work hard, and we all have car payments to make.  It's bad enough that we are blue all the time, but now you have gone and done major damage to our vehicles, which will only result in repair costs, not to mention our insurance premiums going up.  So, while you are standing there gloating, you wanna unstack our cars, or something?  Maybe squeeze a piece of coal into a diamond for each of us, just for our trouble? Hello? Superman? Are you even listening?!"

And, the long line of awkward SUPER DICTIONARY panels continues, with no signs of stopping.

She "tried" to slap the Penguin, but it looks more like a vicious karate chop (Awrrk).  I'm not saying he didn't deserve it.  He probably did.  Yet again, there's no context.  

Wow, I hadn't gotten over the Batman panel yet.  At least there is no illustration.  Does Aquaman have any "dry" friends? Does Aquaman have any friends?

Apparently, jumping on a land mine counts as "trouble."  Okay.

We could use this as further examples of how stupid Lois Lane is, but that is already so well-proven, it would be cliche at this point.  Instead, let's focus on how Superman knows exactly what is going on, and knows exactly that after the explosion, he will still be standing there, but wants to talk about clocks and just wait for the inevitable, so he can go look for a new girlfriend.  Wow!

You know, one of "those" kind.  And, just who is doing the talking, here? It looks like a mermaid that is stuck in this web with who we are told is Wonder Girl...are we underwater? I have lots of questions, and none of them are being answered, here.

Scientific Magnification

Lex, now appearing in "Luthor's Labour's Lost."

The only conclusion I can draw from this panel is that this is one of those panels that had to be modified so much, it would have made more sense to just draw a new one.  This is supposed to be Lex Luthor, I take it?  Is this his Shakespeare phase, or something?  I missed that one. 

From the ridiculous to...the more ridiculous.  Really? I mean, are we really seeing this?

So let me get this straight.  I really, really want to understand this, so here goes:  these guys are hiding from horses (hiding from horses? are they even evil horses?), and the horses are looking for straw, so they figure their best plan is to lay in water and breathe through--you are ahead of me here.  Best. Plan. Ever.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Pac-Man Glass (Arby's, 1982)

Every time I'm in my favorite thrift store, I cruise through the aisle of dishes and glassware...for only one reason.  That reason is this very glass.  After so many years of looking, I broke down and just bought one off of Ebay. 

The year was 1982, and Pac-Man Fever was gripping the nation.  It's hard to believe now, but back then, fast food restaurants would often have nifty premiums of very well-made drinking glasses.  My favorites are the three sets of Star Wars glasses that Burger King offered.  There were several others, but let's face it:  you aren't very likely to run across any of them in a thrift store that aren't well-used or damaged.

Don't be fooled by the date of 1980 in the fine print; that refers to the Pac-Man game itself; the glass was available in 1982.  Arby's did a great job of promoting it in a specially-made ad, which of course is on YouTube:

And the end result of this is:  now, I can skip a very boring aisle at the thrift store!

BATTLE SPIRITS - Toho Kaiju Expansion Set (Bandai, 2015)

Here's what I know:  among the 1,000 popular trading-card games, there is one called BATTLE SPIRITS in Japan, that has been going for some time.  This year, Bandai thought it would make perfect sense for the next expansion series to be Toho monsters, and here we are.  

I bought a set of Common/Uncommon cards, which totals 33, as well as one rare, the Godzilla 2000 card you see above (which is probably promotional, as it says "not for sale").  A lot of the art is pretty impressive, and here are a few of my very favorites so far.

Also, here are the two checklists, if it can possibly help anybody out, since they are in Japanese....but there is a nice picture of Spacegodzilla for the rest of us:

THE SUPER DICTIONARY (Part Nine)

Do you ever feel that you are torturing yourself? Do you ever feel like you are trying to make yourself sorry for some un-adressed wrongdoing from your distant past? Then congratulations, you are in the right place! It's time for the literary version of a hair shirt, THE SUPER DICTIONARY.

By the way, before we get started, I'm pleased to say that I have finished reading THE SUPER DICTIONARY, and I can confirm for all the world that it does indeed have an end....instead of just looping back to page 1 indefinitely, in a sort of evil-punishment-time-loop, like I thought might happen.

AQUAMAN:  DRUNK AGAIN.

I get the impression that Aquaman takes lots of naps.

And, from the Supervillain Edition of ARCHITECTUAL DIGEST, we get to see the Joker's house.  It's pretty much what you would expect:  garish color scheme, tube TV, and a giant portrait of Batman with darts in it.

Have you ever noticed that when you see Batman & Robin doing something to somebody, you just sort of assume that the victims must be criminals?  Here, we get no context whatsoever to clue us in.  These may be random businessmen at a charity function for disabled puppies.  "Sometimes, rugs are used like this."  Great lesson for the young readers, there, Batman.

A minute ago, the Joker was in his sweet Supervillain lair, but now he's in jail...one thing that THE SUPER DICTIONARY has taught me is that the Joker's face looks wrong in any other pose besides evil laughter.  Sort of like that time in "The Super Hero Coloring Book" where he looked like Phyllis Diller:

The Plastic Surgery Council reminds you that "A Face Is A Terrible Thing To Waste."

Gaah! What just happened here?  The horror! Hawkman's mask came off, and he's all lumpy and deformed underneath! And, he's about to eat a sandwich with the Atom in it!  I don't know which is scarier.

Well, don't feel too bad for the Joker, because he's already out of prison...and he's about to pull a Green Goblin and throw that poor girl off of this bridge!  People say that Marvel or DC (whoever they prefer) were always ripping the other company off, but the reality is, they both were (and still are).

"Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot, so my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts!....A Bat! That's it! It's an omen! I shall become...Almost-As-Good-As-A-Bat-Man!"

Another out-of-character panel from THE SUPER DICTIONARY.  Here, Batman has just been told that Aquaman needs his own parking space at the Hall of Justice.

The answer, El Dragon, is "probably get gored to death."  So much for the myth that flowing red capes attract a bull's anger.  

Granted, you could put this balloon above Batgirl at any given time, but what in the name of Bob Kane is going on here, exactly?  And that Musketeer guy.  He looks to me like he doesn't belong.  Like he just walked up on this scene and decided to get involved, and brandish his sword like, "Yeah! Let's get her! Let's shoot spider-web-string-goo-plastic-bag-space-alien-stuff all over her, and then we can finish our evil plan!"  Who is this we, Muskateer Guy?  I don't recall inviting any candy bar mascots to join in. In fact...

Suddenly, I feel I've gotten way too involved with this last panel.  This is what THE SUPER DICTIONARY does to your mind, folks.  We should move on now.

"Woah, there...I was just going to buy a newspaper; I don't want any trouble..."

Superman subscribes to the "human shield" method of combat, because he finds that it keeps his costume much cleaner.  

The Joker should know by now that all he has to do is ask nicely, and Batman will let him go.  My, this is another in a long line of awkward panels, isn't it? Let's end on a happier note:

The Joker should keep the agent he has, because he's gotten a lot of appearances in this section of THE SUPER DICTIONARY...I mean, he is all over R and S.  

I would beg for context, but I am all done with begging.  If I were standing in front of a giant psychedelic painting, and Rip Taylor came and grabbed me by the arm, I would have precisely the same reaction.

TO BE CONTINUED...