The Good News Is, The Scammers Are Getting Dumber

I still have a Yahoo email address (hey, that's not funny), and a couple of weeks ago, their whole system must've gotten knackered, because there's been a flood of wonky spam, the likes of which I've never seen before in all these years.  Now, I'm deleting dozens and dozens each day.  Which is rather counter-productive.

Most of us know that the purpose of scam emails is to trick you into doing one of two things: clicking on something, or in lesser cases, calling a phone number.  Now that I'm seeing a lot of it at once, it's amazing how many of the reprobates that make these things simply can't spell.  How many times have you seen things like this?

Another thing that we know is that most of these creeps don't have a command of the English language, and I began to think that they think that we spam lots of vowels when we want to make a point or emphasize something, like a 9-year old girl on social media.  The truth is probably that they think it calls attention to their garbage email, and makes it stand out.  In reality, it's a visual cue for "rubbish, please ignore," and usually causes [reputable, not Yahoo's apparently] spam filters to actually kick out email with such titles.  And then you have complete gobbledegook like the last example, which isn't even trying to make any sense.

It's not surprising that the same old standbys are still going around: the fake UPS/FedEx package notification, the fake Apple App Store receipt, the fake Amazon bill, and the fake CVS prescription, not to mention the myriad fake gift cards/gift certificates that fake stores are trying to fake-give away. I was surprised to see that a very old standby from the 1990's is still a thing:

The old "click the target" (if moving) or "break one of the eggs/packages/etc" ...older than dirt.

However, all of this is merely preamble, because I'm about to show you the stupidest spam email that I've ever seen.  This is so bad, it wouldn't fool my grandmother, and she's dead.  Go ahead and read over it, and then we will break it down together:

First of all, this was obviously made in Microsoft Paint.  Secondly, it was embedded in the email as a JPEG.  Right off the bat, we are on very, very shaky ground, before we even dive in.  And then we start reading...

"Dear customer" (no proper punctuation...also, Target knows who I am, because I have one of those 5% off cards.  We are "like this" [crosses fingers].)

Then, a second salutation:  "Greetings     from     Target" (once again, no punctuation; also, spacebar spamming)

The first paragraph is missing lots of punctuation, is missing capitalization where it should be, has it where it shouldn't be, but the icing on the cake is when they tell me the whole thing is on hold because of my Amazon account. Wait, is Target the Amazon Police now? I had no idea! Branching out, I guess...like that time K-Mart came and mowed my lawn.  Yes, that sounds logical.  We shouldn't overlook the price of $641 which is included here, which is meant to instantly raise the blood pressure of the reader and represent a dangerously unspendable amount, obviously concocted by a psychological mastermind.

"...so we can deliver your product on time as we promised you..[note: two periods.]" Hey, they promised! A sense of urgency and entitlement has been heightened and encouraged within me! I am roused to immediate action...nah, not really.

They of course ask for a phone call, and then "go the extra mile" to say that my "number [is] registered to your payment method." So...if I call...they will automatically know it's me? Nevermind that I would've paid for this purchase WITH THE TARGET CARD I mentioned above.  Next, the phone number, naturally (expressed weirdly and with a "+" that in this country, denotes an overseas call), but what is even more baffling are the next lines, showing the item to be a drone (or possibly a User Guide for a drone?), the amount again, payment made via "checking" (uh-huh), and then a spoof name and address with no zip code.  Clearly, the item and address are meant to raise our ire, just as the amount was:  Hey, I didn't charge that much! Hey, I didn't order a drone!! Hey, I'm not Mr. Thomas of "Sanjose" that has no zip code!!!

And then, as supervillain school teaches you, you have to drive home your point with a concluding statement, and the writer of our email chooses to do it.....like this.

At this point, if you still need any further proof of the validity of this email, then you are beyond any help. 

It is sad that lots of people fall prey to fake emails, especially the elderly (that said, there are some great people on YouTube that have devoted their lives to taking down scammers--these people are real-life super-heroes and I recommend you seek out their videos), but this one fooled absolutely no one.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up a few things at Costcooo.

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UPDATE:  Now, a few weeks later, I received another fake Target email, saying I'd won a "reward" and needed to "crack" one of three Christmas ornaments.  In late February.  Brilliant, fake email senders.  Just brilliant.  Also, the return address had nothing to do with Target at all, and was the usual string of nonsense:  "gasconhorsemanship@gmail." You just have to laugh.