THE SUPER DICTIONARY (Part Nine)

Do you ever feel that you are torturing yourself? Do you ever feel like you are trying to make yourself sorry for some un-adressed wrongdoing from your distant past? Then congratulations, you are in the right place! It's time for the literary version of a hair shirt, THE SUPER DICTIONARY.

By the way, before we get started, I'm pleased to say that I have finished reading THE SUPER DICTIONARY, and I can confirm for all the world that it does indeed have an end....instead of just looping back to page 1 indefinitely, in a sort of evil-punishment-time-loop, like I thought might happen.

AQUAMAN:  DRUNK AGAIN.

I get the impression that Aquaman takes lots of naps.

And, from the Supervillain Edition of ARCHITECTUAL DIGEST, we get to see the Joker's house.  It's pretty much what you would expect:  garish color scheme, tube TV, and a giant portrait of Batman with darts in it.

Have you ever noticed that when you see Batman & Robin doing something to somebody, you just sort of assume that the victims must be criminals?  Here, we get no context whatsoever to clue us in.  These may be random businessmen at a charity function for disabled puppies.  "Sometimes, rugs are used like this."  Great lesson for the young readers, there, Batman.

A minute ago, the Joker was in his sweet Supervillain lair, but now he's in jail...one thing that THE SUPER DICTIONARY has taught me is that the Joker's face looks wrong in any other pose besides evil laughter.  Sort of like that time in "The Super Hero Coloring Book" where he looked like Phyllis Diller:

The Plastic Surgery Council reminds you that "A Face Is A Terrible Thing To Waste."

Gaah! What just happened here?  The horror! Hawkman's mask came off, and he's all lumpy and deformed underneath! And, he's about to eat a sandwich with the Atom in it!  I don't know which is scarier.

Well, don't feel too bad for the Joker, because he's already out of prison...and he's about to pull a Green Goblin and throw that poor girl off of this bridge!  People say that Marvel or DC (whoever they prefer) were always ripping the other company off, but the reality is, they both were (and still are).

"Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot, so my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts!....A Bat! That's it! It's an omen! I shall become...Almost-As-Good-As-A-Bat-Man!"

Another out-of-character panel from THE SUPER DICTIONARY.  Here, Batman has just been told that Aquaman needs his own parking space at the Hall of Justice.

The answer, El Dragon, is "probably get gored to death."  So much for the myth that flowing red capes attract a bull's anger.  

Granted, you could put this balloon above Batgirl at any given time, but what in the name of Bob Kane is going on here, exactly?  And that Musketeer guy.  He looks to me like he doesn't belong.  Like he just walked up on this scene and decided to get involved, and brandish his sword like, "Yeah! Let's get her! Let's shoot spider-web-string-goo-plastic-bag-space-alien-stuff all over her, and then we can finish our evil plan!"  Who is this we, Muskateer Guy?  I don't recall inviting any candy bar mascots to join in. In fact...

Suddenly, I feel I've gotten way too involved with this last panel.  This is what THE SUPER DICTIONARY does to your mind, folks.  We should move on now.

"Woah, there...I was just going to buy a newspaper; I don't want any trouble..."

Superman subscribes to the "human shield" method of combat, because he finds that it keeps his costume much cleaner.  

The Joker should know by now that all he has to do is ask nicely, and Batman will let him go.  My, this is another in a long line of awkward panels, isn't it? Let's end on a happier note:

The Joker should keep the agent he has, because he's gotten a lot of appearances in this section of THE SUPER DICTIONARY...I mean, he is all over R and S.  

I would beg for context, but I am all done with begging.  If I were standing in front of a giant psychedelic painting, and Rip Taylor came and grabbed me by the arm, I would have precisely the same reaction.

TO BE CONTINUED...