9/14/15

THE SUPER DICTIONARY (Part Twelve)

"Ok, come on, we can do this..." I told myself as I went back to my slowly-shrinking folder of photos from this book of Insane Craptasticality.  Then I realized I was not only talking to myself, but using the word "we," which was more than a little troubling, I have to say.
Yep, that's a powerful ring...and uh-huh, that's as many as three tens, but why did he stop 30 random people? What were they doing, marching for Marvel? They don't look too happy about this demonstration of Green Lantern's power...who is apparently sitting on a flagpole or something?
Oh, Supergirl, don't mock us...we all know you can't read.  Also, it looks like one of the alien animals has escaped from Superman's Fortress of Solitude zoo.
 Knowing Superman, no doubt this will end up killing an entire civilization, light years away.
Quick, which one is my thumb, again? Oh, yes, the short, thick one.  Rather than debate whether the thumb is a finger (or just a thumb), I will point out that this giant is apparently an excellent gardener!
Hmm, I was going to Photoshop something for that last sentence, but I feel that I am depriving you of what your own imaginations could come up with, and that's just not fair to you.  After all, if they were too lazy to illustrate it, then I won't either.
Comics are known for using too many exclamatory phrases, but if there ever was a time for one, it's here:  "Robin, wake up." A better question is, why has he picked this unfortunate time to sleep? Super-Narcolepsy?  Also note that, even though Robin is out of it, Batman still helps him to know that the tiger is "the large orange and black cat," because of course if it's pink, it's Snagglepuss.  
Is this really a time for specifics?
It's hard to know where to begin, here.  All I can come up with is that El Dragon is climbing a mountain, and apparently wrapping himself with rope on the way up.  It's just the sort of nonsensical thing that I would expect a hero as pointless as El Dragon to do, but here, all he can think about is eating.  Maybe there is an abandoned Quiznos at the top? I have no idea.  
Once again, the stupidity of THE SUPER DICTIONARY baffles me...I mean, we couldn't have a Rocket-Firing Boba Fett action figure because some kid in the late 70's fired a spring-loaded missile into his own throat, but El Dragon could pull inane crap like this, and nobody copies it? 
And then there's this:
"A Novel-Length Adventure:  Green Lantern in, THE TERROR OF THE TERRIBLE TOAD TOUPEE!!"  
I have so many questions here, but I can't see anything except GL's giant head, so I have to assume he is up to his shoulders in quicksand, somewhere in a swamp.  But I did learn that he has the little-known Dr. Doolittle power of commanding toads (maybe because they are green?), so that was useful knowledge.
You probably know this, but Superheroes don't do anything without gusto.  They can't merely open the mail, or rewind a VHS tape (they still have VCR's, which is puzzling, because most of them are completely surrounded by futuristic technology)...instead they punch straight through the mail, or decimate the video cassette with an energy beam.  Therefore, we shouldn't be surprised to see that when Batman wants to hurt you, he makes it count, even when he is just walking around in an empty green room.  Don't look at this panel as merely random DC clip-art pasted together!  Instead, see it as the display of prowess that it is meant to be!
Also, for those of you out there who still question the purity of Robin's breeding, they throw in the almost parenthetical reminder that "Robin has five toes on each foot."  Well done, SUPER DICTIONARY.
Unfortunately, El Dragon couldn't even hang himself properly, so here he is, given the less-than-glorifying task of maintenance work at the Hall of Justice.  (Superman let him continue to wear his costume though; he just couldn't do that to the little guy.)  I want to direct your attention to the fact that he is holding up a pair of pliers in front of the doorknob, and wondering why it's not fixed yet.
Or, I'm not giving him enough credit, and that's the keyhole to Wonder Woman's room.
Either way, no matter what I do, I can only read the word and definition like this:
 ...TO BE CONTINUED...

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