10/1/15

THE SUPER DICTIONARY (Part Fourtymillionteen, and Also THE END)

Okay, if we screw up our courage (that saying just never sounded positive to me), if we believe in ourselves hard enough, and if we have a pocket full of antidepressants, we can conclude THE SUPER DICTIONARY today.  Isn't that the news you wanted when you rolled out of bed this morning? (Me neither!) But we can do this!
My life has improved so much since reading this entire book.  I taught my Children to clean the fatty stuff out of their ears, we now bake foods in the oven on top of fatty stuff paper, and this next holiday, I think I will take everybody to Madame Tussaud's Fatty Stuff Museum.
 Unfortunately, the scale didn't go all the way to CONNIVING JERKWAD.
My friends, this is your last time to view the amazing hero for our times, El Dragon.  Let's let our last image be of the fool trying to run all the way to the sun.  Yes.
This definition would make Yoda embarrassed, and his grammar sucks.
Plus, and I know I have said this before, but even if you are four-year-old, and you have to look up the word WHAT, then you are a moron, and there is no hope for you.
 Not that we have ever, ever had any context with these panels in the SUPER DICTIONARY, but it sort of makes you wonder what's going on here, doesn't it?
Annnnnd, here we go again with more racial-sensitivity embarrassment from this lobotomy-cluster disguised as elementary reference material.  You may remember, sometime around the letter B, we had a similar chortle at the word black, but does that really excuse it?  She looks sort of peachy-colored to me...certainly not the same as her teeth, nor the "color of snow."  Plus, there is a whole group of like 17 people who argue that white isn't even a color, but the absence of a color.  I don't know about you, but the absence of, say, a $100 bill or a handful of Chex mix certainly isn't the same as the real thing.
But we can't linger--that would mean that the SUPER DICTIONARY had won, and we are nearing the broken-glass-covered finish line!
 Because................it's him? His own self?
Wow, things went downhill for Krypto when they stopped using him for several years.  After touring with Led Zeppelin, he was another O.J. Simpson houseguest, finally winding up as party companion to Charlie Sheen (which explains why his head is several sizes too big for his body). The rest of the details, I do not want to know.
So here's a guy who can simultaneously hear the screams of dying infants all over the world, but is so bored, he decides to free-fall to earth without footwear.  As if boots have any bearing on super-invulnerability.  (No Super-Socks, though, which is...interesting.)  All this is, is another pointless thing to prattle on about while standing around the water cooler at the Hall of Justice, while everyone pretends to care, but secretly curses how indestructible he is.
She planned to protect them, but a giant hunchback with a red thing glued to his face appeared, and they both fainted faster than useless Pokemon. 
SUPERMAN: "And, I am so amazing, I also have heat vision!"
DOCTOR:  "Gyyaacckkgghgggg"
Well, it's a day in the life for Robin, of course.  His "cape the color of lemons" isn't helping his (alleged) masculinity much, but hey, they didn't mention his tights!
Because the Joker is about to break into song-and-dance again? This panel eerily predicts the Michael Jackson "Smooth Criminal" video so accurately, I got temporarily spooked.
Ignoring the giant purple Dalek behind Robin, here's another "art" lesson, kids, which can be summarized as: DON'T.
It's funny, but besides the famous Lex Luthor "forty cakes" panel, this was the other panel I saw somewhere on the Internets, long ago, and it made me want to track this book down.  And it ended up being our next-to-last panel...In hindsight, this was a truly terrible idea, and years of therapy could not undo the damage this book has caused. Some ideas are like that.
Four-hundred-and-eighteen mind-numbing pages later, we have arrived at the end.  
I was so relieved, I almost didn't notice the worst definition of zoo in history, or the fact that Black Canary is doing the Vulcan thingy to Batman's head...or that Green Hawkeye is having a seizure of some sort.  Or that the malformed giant white arm behind Superman is supposed to be connected to Green Lantern...or the fact that Wonder Woman's had a growth spurt....or the way they spelled goodbye as if we were taking dictation for Shakespeare.
But, you know what? None of this matters!  Because it is over! Good-by, and good riddance, SUPER DICTIONARY!

3 comments:

Christopher Sobieniak said...

The madness of forty cakes has ended!

Id0 said...

It looks as though Batman didn't even invite Robin to the zoo. Maybe it was for the best that he was left to die on the sidewalk while the super-weirdos do their own thing.

Sampoerna Quatrain said...

The madness has at last ended!! Not without taking its toll!

Also, good point about Robin not being invited to the zoo...at least we had some continuity...not that anyone in comics today knows what THAT is...