3/22/22

VARAN THE UNBELIEVABLE Pressbook ("Showmanship Manual") [Crown Int'l, 1962]

 

Today, we look at a real rarity.  VARAN THE UNBELIEVABLE had a troubled history, was cut to ribbons for the US, and is often overlooked.  It's funny; I own quite a few pressbooks, but this one is the most difficultly-sized that I've seen.  It measures 16 & 3/4" by a bizarre 16 & 3/32" which actually works out more evenly to centimeters, which was strange for the times. It's going to be a nightmare to store properly. 

But, let's walk through it together.  First, the usual: movie synopsis, yadda yadda.

Next, the usual fodder for things that look like newspaper articles, but are really paid spots bought by local theatres in local newspapers.  Did you know the lead actress cooked knishes for the cast? I wonder if she knew that.  My favorite part of this entire page is where they give you the text to take out an article saying that the events in this film could really happen, because people have seen the Loch Ness Monster.  Huh.


The second-best part of any vintage pressbook, though, is where you got to see the vintage ads and artwork. This film was lucky to have poster art that is simultaneously great and eye-catching (the upper half), and also rather ridiculous (the lower half) at the same time. I had more to say about that, but I looked too long at the fleeing crowd that's too stupid to know how to run away, and forgot it.



And now we come to the very best part of all, and also my favorite:  the BALLYHOO.  What is the point of booking a monster movie, specifically an Americanized Toho kaiju movie, if you can't promote it insanely? "But wait, we (the recipients of this book) are too dumb to do that.  Thinking is hard...give us the ideas!" Well, you asked for it:


So, let's run down some of their suggestions:
1) "Why not arrange a window" that's made of the contents of your local toy store.  I wasn't even there in 1962, and I know that would've been next to impossible, especially in Smallville, USA.  Also, they expect you to have "blowups and stills from the picture" made to decorate your "window." Which would've been outrageously expensive (these pressbooks never give a thought to the budget of what they are suggesting)...it also just struck me that your average theatre didn't have a giant, Macy's-style display window, because that defeats the purpose of keeping it dark inside, to actually watch movies.

2) Go to your local museum that is filled with "pre-historic animals" and get them, and fill up the lobby with them.  You are also given permission here to use their "pre-historic artifacts."  I mean, why didn't I think of that? Oh, because it has almost nothing to do with the film we are trying to promote, and also involves lots of crimes.  And again, your average town wouldn't have anything remotely like that, anyhow.  I always ask this question here, but:  did anybody actually try any of these suggestions???? It's not as insane as the part where one of the previous pressbooks we have looked at tells you to get live weapons and munitions from the local armory (which one was that, FRANKENSTEIN CONQUERS THE WORLD, maybe?)...but still entertaining.

3) Run a "You Won't Believe It Contest."  What is that? They don't know either.  "Just as the experiences of the people in 'VARAN' make for an incredible story, so it is true that many people have unbelievable experiences in their lifetimes." Let's hear for the millionth time about how Grandpa shot down a UFO in World War I that was filled with pink fairies who somehow sang all of the Billboard Singles Chart from June 13, 1967. That will then make us want to see VARAN THE UNBELIEVABLE, for sure.

4) Finally, and the laziest of all, you are encouraged to talk a local store into slashing their prices so much, it would be an UNBELIEVABLE sale.  Now, points for actually giving us an idea that wouldn't cost the theatre a fortune...but, simply put, nobody did this.  Ever.

To collectors like me, who are not rational human beings, the most valuable part of a pressbook is on this page as well, because this is  where you find out what non-poster promotional items were produced for this film.  Here we are given a nugget of pure gold, because they tell us a record of radio spots exists--somewhere--for this film.  It has never surfaced in all of these years [what I mean is that it hasn't been digitized and shared by anyone, which is what we would do here on this blog], but, like Varan himself, it's at the bottom of a lake somewhere.  We are also told that the following items exist:  a TV slide, TV spots of 2 lengths, a theatrical trailer, and a teaser trailer.  But let's not overlook the most exciting part of this great page:


The Varan Coloring Contest! I am sure you agree that this is completely and totally awesome, and probably the best thing you've seen all day.  I would have to look back in my past pressbook reviews, but I don't remember too many coloring contests from Toho films.  GIGANTIS THE FIRE MONSTER had one, I recall.  It's hard to put into words how great this concept is.  We can laugh at the ridiculous ballyhoo suggestions, but a Varan Coloring Contest with movie tickets as prizes is a top-notch idea that is actually worth doing.


When it comes to making your list of what items were actually produced for a film, the rest of the story is usually found on the back cover of the pressbook, where you find out about poster sizes and lobby cards, and then imagine owning them all.

I should mention here that VARAN THE UNBELIEVABLE is still a rare film, even in this modern day.  There is an out-of-print Tokyo Shock DVD from 2005 with 2 cuts of the Japanese original, but it does not contain this American version.  VARAN was put out on home video a couple of times in the VHS days (a Beta tape also exists), but it stopped there.  The good news is, there is a very inexpensive DVD available on Amazon that pretends to be authentic, but it's obviously sourced from one of the old VHS versions.  But, it's better than nothing, and will have to do, because I can tell you that preserving American dubs (never mind American recuts) is not on Toho's "to-do list."

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