Absolutely Bonkers Bootleg EMPIRE STRIKES BACK Cover Description!

In honor of tonight's premiere of THE LAST JEDI (I don't know if people realize this, but this is the real turning point for Disney.  Everything else up to this point, opinions aside, has been based on nostalgia, and was pretty "safe".  This is them taking the reins, completely, for the first time.  I read that there were no co-writers, even, this time....it better be good, Disney, or you are dead to me.).

[EDIT: Disney, you are dead to me.]

You will have to click and enlarge the above photo, but you are in for a treat.  We have looked at a lot of "Engrish" from time to time on this blog, but I think the above better qualifies as "complete gobbledegook."

This is from the cardboard cover to a bootleg EMPIRE STRIKES BACK DVD that was in my local Goodwill the other day.  Just the cover, because that's all there was.  No DVD, no insides that would even hold a DVD.  Just the cover.  Luckily, I snapped this photo of it.

Here is a summary of the three sections:
1) A review of EPISODE I, that was typed with someone's toes, underwater, and in complete darkness.
2) A block of Chinese characters...that could say anything.
3) A cut-and-paste of a forum post, or perhaps a relative's e-mail, stolen from somewhere...apparently to fill space.