DYNAMITE Magazine: "All In The Family - Monster Style" (Vol. 3, No. 1, July 1979)

 

Remember school book orders? Are those still a thing? We had Scholastic book orders, and they were a blast.  While at home, I had a subscription to ELECTRIC COMPANY magazine, through the book orders, we could get cool magazines like HOT DOG or DYNAMITE, and as a result, we were well-informed in the department of Cool Things.  

And speaking of DYNAMITE, which Scholastic published themselves, here is an article from the July 1979 issue, about the interesting subject of monster lineage! I suppose the title of "All In The Family" was still on people's minds at that time; in fact, the popular sitcom actually ended that year, and the title is used here to introduce the article.  

One thing people don't understand about the late 1970's was, it was a time when a kids' magazine could allude to DRACULA'S DAUGHTER...FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER...and, hope you are sitting down, even DR. JEKYLL AND SISTER HYDE (wait, really?) without even blinking. Thereby piquing the curiosity of many a small mind...including my small mind (insert laugh here).

Unfortunately, when the article comes to the subject of SON OF GODZILLA, it sort of just uses it as a joke, which was too bad, but typical of the dearth of decent Godzilla information from that time period in America.

I really like the illustration of the Fly child, with Fly doll (with Mouse pants, even).

There were further bonuses in this issue:  a large poster of hidden pictures, and a cardstock Monster Family Portrait!

You can sort of see this in the scan, but the idea was that you would punch out the faces of each monster in the portrait, and then stick photos of your friends and family behind it, where their faces would show through.  Pretty cute...but, can we talk about the extreme scale problem here? Nevermind that Minya looks like the alligator from Pogo. All hail the late 1970s!

The Rock-afire Explosion - GEE, OUR 1st ALBUM! (1982) & bonus singles

 

We have talked about Showbiz Pizza Place more than once, but it was several years and hundreds of posts ago now.  In the past, we've even shared a couple of songs, but it's time to do a masterpost, because last weekend I actually ran across a super nice copy of their one and only LP.

GEE, OUR 1st ALBUM was primarily for sale at the counter of the restaurants, beginning in 1982.  I have even seen reports of a child receiving it as their birthday record (when you had your birthday party at Showbiz Pizza, you were given a record, but it was usually one of the 45rpm birthday singles).  And that was basically the only way to get it.

Most everyone has seen THE ROCK-AFIRE EXPLOSION documentary from 2009 by this point (if not, it's now free on YouTube), but one of the amazing things about the animatronic show that was the backbone of the restaurant is that it was backed by lots of genuine talent.  Not simply random voice artists, but people that actually played together, but also are/were incredible singers.  And it comes through on this LP.  Sure, it does occasionally veer into children's album territory, but I'm willing to bet that you will find yourself entertained, and even impressed.

Speaking of the track list, you get Elvis, The Doors, Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, The Chipmunks, Billy Joel, The Righteous Brothers, The Beatles, and even a couple of curve ball surprises.  Again, I was shocked at how well this record was taken care of.  It needed very little done to it, and I hope it takes you right back to the wonderful hours spent in that darkened arcade that smelled like pizza.

But wait, there's more!  As bonus tracks, here are two of the 45's that were released.  For the "Happy Birthday Medley," my very own original copy is presented here, given to me at my very own Showbiz Pizza birthday party all those years ago (thanks, Mom & Dad!).  

LINK:  The Rock-Afire Explosion pack

But wait, there's still one further bonus! Have you ever wondered what the talent behind the Rock-afire Explosion looked like? On YouTube, I found a super-rare example of them performing together, from a 1983 telethon.  It's amazing and lucky for us that it was preserved. Enjoy!

The Good News Is, The Scammers Are Getting Dumber

I still have a Yahoo email address (hey, that's not funny), and a couple of weeks ago, their whole system must've gotten knackered, because there's been a flood of wonky spam, the likes of which I've never seen before in all these years.  Now, I'm deleting dozens and dozens each day.  Which is rather counter-productive.

Most of us know that the purpose of scam emails is to trick you into doing one of two things: clicking on something, or in lesser cases, calling a phone number.  Now that I'm seeing a lot of it at once, it's amazing how many of the reprobates that make these things simply can't spell.  How many times have you seen things like this?

Another thing that we know is that most of these creeps don't have a command of the English language, and I began to think that they think that we spam lots of vowels when we want to make a point or emphasize something, like a 9-year old girl on social media.  The truth is probably that they think it calls attention to their garbage email, and makes it stand out.  In reality, it's a visual cue for "rubbish, please ignore," and usually causes [reputable, not Yahoo's apparently] spam filters to actually kick out email with such titles.  And then you have complete gobbledegook like the last example, which isn't even trying to make any sense.

It's not surprising that the same old standbys are still going around: the fake UPS/FedEx package notification, the fake Apple App Store receipt, the fake Amazon bill, and the fake CVS prescription, not to mention the myriad fake gift cards/gift certificates that fake stores are trying to fake-give away. I was surprised to see that a very old standby from the 1990's is still a thing:

The old "click the target" (if moving) or "break one of the eggs/packages/etc" ...older than dirt.

However, all of this is merely preamble, because I'm about to show you the stupidest spam email that I've ever seen.  This is so bad, it wouldn't fool my grandmother, and she's dead.  Go ahead and read over it, and then we will break it down together:

First of all, this was obviously made in Microsoft Paint.  Secondly, it was embedded in the email as a JPEG.  Right off the bat, we are on very, very shaky ground, before we even dive in.  And then we start reading...

"Dear customer" (no proper punctuation...also, Target knows who I am, because I have one of those 5% off cards.  We are "like this" [crosses fingers].)

Then, a second salutation:  "Greetings     from     Target" (once again, no punctuation; also, spacebar spamming)

The first paragraph is missing lots of punctuation, is missing capitalization where it should be, has it where it shouldn't be, but the icing on the cake is when they tell me the whole thing is on hold because of my Amazon account. Wait, is Target the Amazon Police now? I had no idea! Branching out, I guess...like that time K-Mart came and mowed my lawn.  Yes, that sounds logical.  We shouldn't overlook the price of $641 which is included here, which is meant to instantly raise the blood pressure of the reader and represent a dangerously unspendable amount, obviously concocted by a psychological mastermind.

"...so we can deliver your product on time as we promised you..[note: two periods.]" Hey, they promised! A sense of urgency and entitlement has been heightened and encouraged within me! I am roused to immediate action...nah, not really.

They of course ask for a phone call, and then "go the extra mile" to say that my "number [is] registered to your payment method." So...if I call...they will automatically know it's me? Nevermind that I would've paid for this purchase WITH THE TARGET CARD I mentioned above.  Next, the phone number, naturally (expressed weirdly and with a "+" that in this country, denotes an overseas call), but what is even more baffling are the next lines, showing the item to be a drone (or possibly a User Guide for a drone?), the amount again, payment made via "checking" (uh-huh), and then a spoof name and address with no zip code.  Clearly, the item and address are meant to raise our ire, just as the amount was:  Hey, I didn't charge that much! Hey, I didn't order a drone!! Hey, I'm not Mr. Thomas of "Sanjose" that has no zip code!!!

And then, as supervillain school teaches you, you have to drive home your point with a concluding statement, and the writer of our email chooses to do it.....like this.

At this point, if you still need any further proof of the validity of this email, then you are beyond any help. 

It is sad that lots of people fall prey to fake emails, especially the elderly (that said, there are some great people on YouTube that have devoted their lives to taking down scammers--these people are real-life super-heroes and I recommend you seek out their videos), but this one fooled absolutely no one.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up a few things at Costcooo.

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UPDATE:  Now, a few weeks later, I received another fake Target email, saying I'd won a "reward" and needed to "crack" one of three Christmas ornaments.  In late February.  Brilliant, fake email senders.  Just brilliant.  Also, the return address had nothing to do with Target at all, and was the usual string of nonsense:  "gasconhorsemanship@gmail." You just have to laugh.

New Godzilla VHS boxed set discovered!

 

After chronicling over 177 different American VHS releases of Godzilla and his friends, a boxed set I'd never seen before turned up on Ebay, and I jumped on it with gusto.  It is from 1998 and calls itself the "Special Edition Collector's Set" (remember how everything after 1997 was suddenly a "Special Edition"?), but really the most "special" thing about it is the box, as both tapes were available elsewhere.  But, hey, I live for this stuff, and since I do, check out the entire list of every VHS tape featuring Godzilla (and friends) released in the U.S.A during the age of videotape.  At the bottom of the page, you can download a PDF that presents all of the info in book form.  In fact, I have finally gotten it updated to include new discoveries like this one. The project has gotten so big, it's split into two PDFs: one for VHS, and one for everything else (8mm/Super 8, Laserdisc, CED, and more on the way)!

Official CAP'N CRUNCH Limited Edition Card Set (2010)

 

Since this has a Jay Ward connection (the original animated ads were produced by Jay Ward Productions--he did not create the character as some have suggested; instead that honor belongs to Allan Burns, co-creator of The Munsters!), we can surely cover this here.  Besides, is there a more iconic and beloved mascot than the Cap'n? He has surely stood the test of time.  And, he had an entire, developed mythos built up around him that made him all the more endearing.  What to Snap, Crackle and Pop do anymore? Well, these days, nothing, but they used to flit around like evil spirits and encourage your cereal to make noises.  The Cap'n embarks on adventures, searches for treasure, outwits pirates and enemies from outer space, baby! He's a hero.

Perhaps you've wondered what his height is? Well, now it can be told that he is 4 feet 11 inches, thanks to a series of six special anniversary cards that were printed on vintage-style cereal boxes of the three flagship cereals (Cap'n Crunch, Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch) way back in 2010! Each box contained two cards that celebrated the original characters, most of whom are seldom seen today.  Characters like his original enemy, Jean LaFoote, who was around stealing cereal long before the Soggies that I remember from childhood.

Smedley the Elephant is most often associated with Peanut Butter Crunch, but he was often along on adventures with the Cap'n.  It turns out that the names of the four sidekick kids are Alfie, Brunhilde, Carlyle, and Dave, but they don't get their own cards here!

"Magnolia Bulkhead" was before my time, but doesn't the sight of the Crunch Beast bring back major childhood memories?

If you have never seen the original 1960's ads, I would advise that you seek them out, because they are superbly entertaining in a Jay Ward style (and you get Daws Butler voicing the Cap'n, too).  Why these were never released on a comprehensive DVD is beyond me.  They are not only well-made mini-animated features, but extremely fun.  Hey, whoever owns these today:  nostalgia sells.  It's not like anyone would pay for a disc full of King Vitamin ads.

But of course, in Current Year, that's not the world we live in.  In fact, here's a look at most of the varieties of Cap'n Crunch that have existed over the years (this fan-made poster goes through 2019):

Apparently "Punch Crunch" was made to taste like fruit punch? Say what?

Finally, here is what the backs of the three 2010 cereal boxes looked like.  (Apologies; I had to do a bit of reconstructing because of the way they had to be scanned.)  The four plucky kids are at least included here!

Hypnotize Thyself!

 

I once asked a lady I knew, who was a therapist:  if hypnosis works so well, why don't we just hypnotize people for everything? We could force ourselves to always make good decisions, always have energy, retain information like Mr. Memory, be really courteous drivers, or even just always make ourselves stay healthy...I will never forget her reply: "It doesn't work that way."  Well, okay then.

In the 1960's, though, that was sort of the mindset (let's face it:  probably because of cartoons and sitcoms).  And, there was money to be made off of this mindset...and, strangely, it wasn't to be made by health care professionals, but by record companies! Why pay doctors or therapists when you can just hypnotize yourself? (Movies taught me that all you need is a spinning, swirly disc anyhow.  And why would they lie? See SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE WOMAN IN GREEN for just one example of this.)

In that decade, a flood of self-hypnosis recordings hit the market.  Some were sold in stores, but it seemed like many more had to be purchased from the backs of magazines, which I suppose provided a layer of protection for the sellers.  As a result, these are pretty rare today.  I pick these things up anytime I actually run across one, for two reasons:

1) They are usually completely bonkers, and

2) They provide great fodder for the occasional sample.

Today we will look at a small clutch of these rare, yet not super-valuable, in the scheme of things, records. In no particular order:

Dr. Michael Dean's Hypnosis and Self-Hypnosis Record (Revere, 1964).  I just recently found a copy of this record, but I've had it for years, courtesy somebody's blog that's not around anymore.  This one is a hoot, and provides several good opportunities for sample fodder, which I have directly taken advantage of.

Dr. Aram Azadian - Self-Relaxation/Hypnosis for Deep Relaxation (Fresno Improvement Center, no year given).  This is a prize find of mine.  It came in a plain white sleeve, but contained a treasure trove of original paperwork! (Note, no ZIP code, which probably places it before 1963.) Looking this doctor's name up on Discogs reveals an interesting fact; his releases seem to be custom-pressed, as in, there are different combinations of sides found in the database.  I suppose you could mix and match. "I need to stop biting my nails, but also hypnotize others, please." The first side actually sounds like Stan Freberg's Lawrence Welk parody, I kid you not.

Hypnotic Record (unknown).  This is probably the oldest record in this group; nothing is known about it other than it was purely mail-order, and was an "unbreakable" 78.  Also, it would've included "Eye Fixation Spots," which I'm sorry we don't have. Both short sides are spoken over a "metronome" accompaniment, which is...bizarre.

Joseph Lampl - The Record Way to Stop Smoking (Living Record Library, 1964). Another find of mine; pretty much a sham, the two sides of this record hardly add up to 18 minutes.  If I smoked, I'd start again just to spite this record.

Dr. Reginald MacNitt - Psycholaxation (unknown). This one is a bonus.  It came off of the old WFMU website, which is no longer with us.  There is no information about it anywhere (if I remember correctly, it was claimed to be issued on cassette), but it's worth the price of admission.  It's such gold, I wouldn't be surprised to find out it was a well-made hoax.  

WARNING: Listener beware of the somnolent tones included herein...I probably wouldn't recommend listening to these while driving, although that's exactly what I did most of the time...come to think of it, I did end up in completely different state one day, with no idea how I got there, and a better, more positive outlook on life.  Also, I no longer wanted to smoke.  Huh.

LINK: Self-Hypnosis Records

GODZILLA KING OF THE MONSTERS Bendy Figure (GLJ, 1978)

 

This is one of the only items on our Chronological Guide to Vintage Godzilla Items that I hadn't yet gotten round to featuring in a post...for some reason...but it's time to rectify that.  

For lots of kids, this was their first Godzilla toy, and/or even their introduction to Godzilla.  Technically, it's a "rack toy," a rubber monster with bendy wires inside to give it some posability, but can also count as an action figure (still a pretty new concept at that time):  it's even packaged in a bubble, on a card very close to the size of a Kenner Star Wars figure.  The "rack toy" status is revealed though, when you discover the back of the card is completely blank!

Speaking of the backing card, above is a good scan of one.  This one comes from an early example I owned that included the original bubble, and I was able to restore it a few years back to its natural glory (and sell it as recarded of course). I had a custom-made acrylic case built for my personal carded example, which was a good thing because apparently the prices for custom cases have gone through the roof in the last year:

This and the Shogun Warriors Godzilla are the two most iconic toys from the 1978 U.S. Godzilla merchandising boom.  We really wouldn't see another carded action-figure type Godzilla figure until 2021!

MONSTER GALLERY Coloring Book (Troubador Press, 1973)

 

Here is a little-known item that vintage monster fans should know about.  This is a coloring book from 1973, but don't let those words fool you.  This is not average-sized, dollar-store, pulpy kids' fare.  Instead, this is a higher-end piece, printed on heavy stock that could probably withstand nicer markers or even watercolors.  Also, it's really big:  9.75 by 12.5 inches! Inside are 15 portraits of classic vintage monsters, as well as full-page summaries of their stories.  

The illustrations are great, and obviously done (by Mark Savee) with knowledge of the subject matter.  They include lots of neat details, and often have intricate frame designs.  And, I should point out, aside from some brief copyright language by the publisher (which you can see above), there is no indication anywhere in the book that any of this was authorized at all or used with permission! And for the most part, they don't even try.  Which is good for us, of course!

The monsters included are The Fly, Frankenstein's Monster, The Mummy, Creature From the Black Lagoon, Hunchback of Notre Dame (I never understood lumping him in with classic monsters...oh dear, I just realized I said lumping...many apologies for that one), Godzilla, Cyclops (another strange choice), Werewolf, The Abominable Snowman, Mr. Hyde, Phantom of the Opera, a Morlock (again, random!), "Vampire," King Kong, and the Bride of Frankenstein.

I would imagine this book was sold in specialty stores and in the back of monster magazines, which kept it away from the more mainstream eyes.  A clean, uncolored copy today goes for around $100.  A copy with a colored-in page or two can be $50.  And now, the star of our show:

I think this is an interesting take on the big G; my problem with it is that the dorsal plates seem to turn into bumpy lumps the farther they go.  Close, but no cigar!  I must admit, I spent a bit of money on this post.  The book is far too big to scan, and if you were going to piecemeal it, who would buy a perfect copy just to disassemble it to fit it on a scanner, half at a time? So, I was determined it had to be photographed, which led me to constructing a sort of animation-stand type rig, where, using a tripod attachment that I purchased (which came with a handy remote), I was able to photograph all of the pages under a sheet of plexiglass.   It's not 100% perfect, but pretty close, and as scanned copies of this rare book don't appear to exist anywhere, I did the best I could.  That said, you can now download the whole thing in its entirety, preserved here for posterity! Enjoy!

MONSTER GALLERY Coloring Book (1973)

ADDENDUM! Tonight I was watching a video on YouTube about a rip-off line of Mego-sized dolls from Tomland Toys called FAMOUS MONSTERS OF LEGEND that came out in the late 1970's (the cardback I saw was dated 1980)...suddenly it dawned on me where I'd seen the artwork before, for four of the figures. Take a look and see for yourself! This was a rip-off of 1)FAMOUS MONSTERS magazine, 2) several film franchises, and 3) the Monster Gallery coloring book, all at once!

Pac-Man and the Ghost Diggers (Book & Record, 1983)

 

Here is a book-and-record from the days when Pac-Man was EVERYWHERE. The Saturday morning cartoon opened up merchandising possibilities that the game alone really didn't allow for, in that it gave him an identity, a family, and a (somewhat ill-defined*) world to have adventures in, and this book follows that pretty well.

This read-along is unique for a couple of reasons.  First, it was available separately as a standalone with no record from Golden books.  I own a copy, but was unable to put my hands on it for this post.  It is basically identical, but does have an alternate title page (as was necessary).  Here it is (above) courtesy an Ebay auction.

Secondly, there are a few interactive mazes built into the story.  At first I thought this was strange, until I realized Pac-Man had quite an association with mazes (and then I felt dumb).  The record accommodates for this with some cool synthy techno-type music, giving the reader time to solve the maze.  (My copy has been completed in crayon.  I started to remove this, but when I got to the above page, where the kid sent Pac-Man right into the lion's mouth, it was just too funny.)

Kids! All your favorites are on KID STUFF! Such as "Nancy" and.......the Space Shuttle Columbia.  Also, "Marmaduke." No kid ever liked Marmaduke.

Included in the download is the audio, with the book scans in a separate ZIP.  The reason for this is, some folks use Comic Book Reader to advance the storybook while they listen (this works great and is a free program by the way).  If you prefer to do that, right-click on the book's ZIP file and rename it, changing "RAR" to "CBR," which will then allow it to magically work inside the software! Enjoy!

LINK:  Pac-Man and the Ghost Diggers (book & record)

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*OPTIONAL PAC-RANT SECTION:

So, in the Ruby-Spears cartoon, Pac-Man lives in Pac-Land, and everything from garden animals to household tools is named so that "PAC" goes in front of it.  "Look out, it's a Pac-Snake!"  Pac-Man appears to be a simple citizen, but everything is named after him.  What's so special about him? Is he the deity of this world? Do the ghosts chomp the other, random citizens all day (I can't remember)? It seems like they would be low-hanging fruit, and ghost monsters HATE FRUIT.  Also, in this book we learn that Baby Pac-Man is a boy.  I always wondered about this.  He was obviously voiced by a woman, which supplemented my confusion about him as a child.  In the book he is referred to as "Baby Pac-Man," although if I remember right, in the cartoon he was usually called "Pac Baby."  I suppose if he were a girl, he would be "Baby Ms. Pac-Man"....I guess? Also, Pac-Land is full of annoying mazes.  They can't even get to the supermarket without having to enter the Maze of Despair or something.  Can't they just go around? Or over? It would seem like the general populace would vote to bulldoze all of the mazes, as they just bog down their daily lives, as well as get them chomped all the time (which, by the way, you simply recover from in the cartoon, so...big deal, anyway).

Chevrolet T-O-P Sales Training LPs (Jam Handy Organization, 1961)

 

Last weekend, at a flea market out of state, I pulled a dusty old 10-inch LP from a box of records.  It was in a tattered manila envelope, and included lots of paperwork.  When I examined it, I realized it was a vintage record for training Chevrolet salesmen, which immediately got me curious.  It was a couple of bucks, so why not? Near the back of the box was a second record from this same series, only by itself with no papers or sleeve...so I did what anyone else would do: I crammed it into the envelope and got two records for the price of one.

If the name "Jam Handy Organization" isn't familiar to you, it probably should be.  Handy was a medal-winning Olympic swimmer who began his own company for producing marketing/training films and other materials for large companies, as well as the U.S. government. In fact, you've probably run into some of these films through MST3K or Rifftrax.  And, who doesn't forget a name like "The Jam Handy Organization," anyway? I always thought it sounded like a guitar supply store ("Jam Handy to the rescue!").

Chevrolet "T-O-P" stood for "Trained Organization Program," and apparently somebody was dead set on having TOP as an acronym, because that doesn't make much grammatical sense.  They began producing filmstrip/record combinations through Jam Handy for training purposes in the 1950's (the earliest on Discogs are from 1955), and ran for several years (both examples here are from 1961).  I am guessing this was a monthly or bi-monthly thing, and that regular sales meetings after work consisted of watching them, lots of smoking, and then discussing thought-provoking, pre- supplied questions, just like school all over again (without so much smoking).  For one of our examples, we are lucky enough to have existing copies of both the script for the Meeting Leader, as well as a copy of the "Review Book" that was handed out to salesmen (both scanned and included here).  It was all this pristine paperwork (including six copies of the review books!) that really made me buy these records.

So here's what you get:  In "Best Foot Forward," a narrator tells us that this horseless carriage thing is probably going to work out, and that if you are a used car salesman, you should lie a lot always tell the customer lots of useful facts, and remind them how clean the car is.  If they ask questions, tell them the car is incredibly clean.  In "Stranger in Town," which is the disc that includes all the swell paperwork, a folksy, James Arness-sounding narrator reminds us that there are two kinds of people:  strangers we don't know, and people who have moved to town (or something like that).  Also, you can actually get new customers by not screwing up, doing things on time, and completely butting into people's personal affairs by telling them exactly how they should spend their day while you fix their cars.  For some reason, they also blatantly tell you to find as many things wrong with their cars as possible, in order to maximize profit.  Huh.  One thing that struck me--in light of the year we live in--was the story of how the entire repair shop should do backwards cartwheels in order to obtain parts to fix a car in the same day, making sure a rare motor was "on the 1:00 bus" so that it would be ready.  That one made me laugh out loud.

These are fun to listen to, either for useful samples, nostalgia, or just a crash-course in the then-new philosophy of Customer Service.  It's amazing to think that entire industries have built up around teaching this concept, and they all boil down to keeping your word, not screwing up, and not overcharging people.  It's really that simple, and yet I can't think of any large, brand-name companies that I deal with, or use their products, that I would use as shining examples of the art.  Something about the "human" part of "human nature" means it goes south every time, I guess.  Enjoy!

LINK:  "Best Foot Forward" and "Stranger In Town"

Scans included with download, but here's both sides of the Meeting Script, just for completeness: