When Godzilla Isn't Godzilla

I search Ebay every day.  I have saved searches that I often comb through, and I try to find time to peruse a day's worth of soon-ending auctions.  A source of frequent frustration is the large amount of Godzilla "merchandise" that doesn't have anything to do with Godzilla whatsoever, clogging up my phone or computer.  I mean, I understand if you have an item that kinda-sorta connects, such as an Ultraman or Gamera item, but what I'm about to show you gets ridiculous quickly.  In my freely-given and seldom-withheld opinion, these are a complete waste of valuable time.  Here are just a few of the banes of my existence:
While this looks like something that a nasty cat coughed up, it is actually, for those of you keeping track, "Ariocarpus fissuratus," a type of cactus.  These are always listed with "Godzilla" in the title, which leads me to believe that somebody has nicknamed the species after our favorite kaiju...which is, of course, stupid, as Godzilla is mostly NEVER green, or spiny for that matter.  Now that I think about it, who would buy a cactus on Ebay to be shipped overseas, anyway?  When they ask you at the post office, "Do you have anything hazardous, liquid, or perishable?" and the answer is a resounding "YES" to all three, I wouldn't think that would go very well at all.
Less frequently, I see this waste of time, or items directly related to it.  This is a 1939 Singer electric sewing machine, and is either referred to as "Godzilla" for its size, weight, durability, or bumpy finish.  I don't know, and I don't care.  I just want it off of Ebay.  Once again, the logistics of shipping are called into question in my own mind.
This is a completely random photo, but is probably the largest category of crap that I have to scroll through, and that is motorcycle parts.  These items are more of a mystery to me, because "Godzilla" is nowhere in the title, the (many) seller's names, categories, or any of the descriptions I have dug through.  It's possible that it is an Ebay error; some sort of bizarre internal glitch that forever identifies motorcycle accessories with giant Japanese monsters.  Who knows, but it needs to stop.
This next category is the exact opposite, because it's something I've run into only once, but it was so bizarre that it needed to be included here.  In short, seeds from the "award-winning, Guinness Book-included largest ever green pepper" are offered on Ebay, so you can figure out why it gets called "Godzilla" (although once again, not green and...not full of seeds).  Anyhow, besides this photo, which completely cracked me up, another thing that I found strange was that the record-holding "largest pepper ever" weighed just over a pound.  Now, I've seen pumpkins at state fairs that were the size of Volkswagen Beetles, so shouldn't the largest green pepper in the world be a little more, uh, sizeable?
Lastly, I keep seeing auctions for this...thing.  I don't know what it is (apparently from some movie I've not bothered to see), but it's not Godzilla.
Well, it was, sort of.  Anyhow, I do realize that I could filter my searches a bit better, and I probably will, but if I had already done it, I wouldn't have had anything to write about for today, so there's that! Let the weekend begin!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wholeheartedly agree about the last image NOT being Godzilla! Although I certainly did like the Robot Chicken spoof of that disaster of a film, with all the baby zillas ice skating on the hockey rink.

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